The moment you accept something negative about yourself, you ensure it will never change.
"That's just how I'm wired." is an excuse to cling to your old beliefs and habits. It's keeping yourself comfortably miserable.
Three months ago, before I started Peoria Music Live, "how I was wired" meant I sat outside a karaoke bar, in my car, waiting for confirmation from friends that they were inside... because I was too anxious to go in alone.
It meant that when the bar got crowded, I just sat at my table and let my friends grab my drinks because I wasn't comfortable pushing my way through all the people. It meant I leaned against the counter to sing karaoke because it was that or pass out.
Once I decided to start Peoria Music Live, I knew I couldn't be effective and afraid. So I decided not to be afraid anymore.
Don't get me wrong, it didn't go away over night. If you follow this blog you'll probably get a few laughs out of some of the thoughts that still go through my head as I pursue this or some of the awkward moments I have. It's okay, I do.
Still, I had to make the decision not to be afraid anymore to get the ball rolling. I decided I wasn't going to let my nerves win. I decided to take control over my mind and body instead of letting it have control over me.
What does that mean? It means accepting that sometimes I will accidentally bump into someone, stand in the wrong place, make a joke nobody laughs at, misunderstand something someone says to me over loud music, or any number of other awkward things... and I'll have to shake it off and keep moving forward. It doesn't mean I'm in a place I don't belong or I should give up.
It means knowing that not everyone is going to like me or want to work with me... and being okay with it. Frankly, if they can't see my vision, I'd rather they move out of my way.
I can't believe I said that, but I know I mean it.
Why is it important that I share this? First, because I'm real. I'm going to make mistakes from time to time and would like to hope for a little grace from people as I navigate this new territory.
Second, there are a lot of people out there just like me... capable of amazing things, who just need to rewire. I want to help them step outside their comfort zones, and then, I hope they'll let the music propel them... the way it has me.
Pocket Mouse was the first band I ever personally introduced myself to. I took this video of them singing No Diggity at that show...